Her Decision
by divcon
Summary: Sam has to make a major life and love decision.


**Her Decision**

She sat on the park bench and let the sound of the children playing soother her. She knew that she should go home or at least ring but she couldn't make herself do it. She needed time to absorb the news that she'd just been given. She had cancer.

Just then a child's ball rolled to a stop at her feet. Bending down, she picked it up. A young boy ran over and politely asked her for his ball. Looking into his chocolate brown eyes made her think of what might have been. When she handed him the ball he smiled and nodded his head, making his blond hair fall into his eyes. She watched him run back to his family. She watched them and though 'if only'.

Oh, she was married to a good man but she didn't love him the way a wife should love her husband. Her heart belonged to another man. She should never have gone through with the wedding. She'd almost called it off twice, the first time when he put a deposit on their house and then again when her father had died. If only she'd been brave enough to till her true love how she felt. She hadn't and he'd left. Thinking back now, she realized that she should have ended the relationship anyway.

Rising, she knew what she had to do. She couldn't live like this anymore. She would tell her husband that she wanted a divorce. She knew that he'd be hurt but she'd be hurting him more if she let this marriage continue.

Sitting in her wheelchair in the hospital garden she took a deep breath and smelt the flowers. Her doctor had just given her good news. She was in remission. He was certain, well as certain as he could be that they'd gotten all the cancer. She'd have to have 6 monthly check-ups for the next few years but he thought that she'd probably out-live them all. He was surprised at how well she had responded to the treatment. Little did he know that she had something to fight for.

Now it was time to seek out her final goal, if it was still within her grasp that is. It had been two years, what if he had moved on? Shaking her head, she told herself that she would cross that bridge when she came to it. Wheeling herself back to her room she started making some phone calls.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she raised her hand and knocked on the door. She heard his grumbling voice from inside and smiled. She missed hearing his voice. She missed him, full stop. Just then the door opened and she was looking at the man she loved. She wanted to reach out and stroked his face but she made do with a smile.

"Carter? Sorry, I forgot that's not your name anymore."

"That's ok. Can I come in?"

"Uh sure."

Stepping back and opening the door wider he gestured her to enter. Telling her to take a seat, he went into the kitchen to get them a drink. She looked around the room. It was a nice apartment but it didn't have any warmth, not like his house back home. She knew that he still owned it but he hadn't been back to Colorado Springs since he left two years ago. The only reason she knew this was because Daniel had told her.

Just then Jack called from the kitchen.

"Beer OK?"

"Yes sir, that's fine."

Emerging from the kitchen, he walked over to her.

"Sam, you can drop the sir. I'm no longer your C.O. Hell; you're not even in the Air Force anymore.

She gave him a smile, "Old habits, sorry." Taking the beer from him she took a sip, "Thanks Jack."

"Are you going to tell me why you're here?"

Nodding, she took a seat; he sat down in the chair opposite her. When she put her beer down on the table, she saw the photo and smiled. Picking it up she looked at him. She could see the questions in his eyes as well as something else. Maybe this wasn't such a long shot after all. Gently replacing the photo of herself back on the table she looked at him again.

"Sam, what's going on? Where's Shannahan?"

"That's part of the reason I'm here."

Taking a deep breathe she started talking.

"Jack, I've been sick. I've got cancer."

"WHAT!" Leaping out of his chair, Jack went and sat next to Sam on the couch and took her in his arms, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because I asked them not to, I wanted to do this on my own. It's part of the reason why I left the air Force."

"OH Sam, you know I'd have been there for you. Hang on, back up a minute. You said 'on your own', what about Shannahan?"

"We've split up Jack."

"That bastard. Did he leave you? I warned him not to hurt you. I'll kill him."

"Whoa Jack. Pete didn't leave me, I left him. And what do you mean, 'you warned him'?"

"Before you got married, I told him that if he ever hurt you he'd have me to deal with."

Looking up into his eyes, Sam could see the love there. She couldn't help herself; she raised her hand and gently placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and lent into her palm.

"Jack, Pete didn't hurt me, I hurt him."

"Why Sam? I thought you loved him."

"I did, I do but not enough. My heart belongs to another man. It has for years, long before I met Pete. I thought I could make a life with Pete but I couldn't let go of the other man. I couldn't let go of you Jack. When I got the diagnoses I realized that I was living a lie."

"Sam what are you saying?"

She could hear the hope in his voice.

"I'm saying that I told Pete that I wanted a divorce. We talked and I told him about my feelings. He'd always know of course but he had hoped that I would grow to love him enough to be happy. When I said that that wouldn't happen, that I couldn't get over or forget my true feelings he agreed to a divorce. I went through the operation and the chemo, got the news of my remission and decided to take the chance that I hadn't left things to late to tell you that I love you Jack O'Neill."

Silence greeted her. Realizing that she had left it too late, she tried to pull away. She didn't get very far, Jack's arms tightened around her.

"Where are you going?"

"I was obviously wrong. I have left it to late haven't I?"

"No Sam, you haven't, I just never thought that I'd hear those words from you. I had resigned myself to the fact that you were happily married. Just give me a minute to absorb everything. You know, it'd help if you said it again so I'd know that I wasn't imagining it."

Smiling, Sam turned her head and looked into his eyes.

"I love you Jack O'Neill."

Lowering his head, Jack placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"And I love you, Samantha Carter. What now?"

"Now we start our life together. A life that should have started at least two years ago. I'm sorry Jack."

"About what?

"About not telling you two years ago how I felt. If only I had we could have had all this time together."

"Sam, honey, its ok. I should have said something as well but let's not dwell. We're here now and that's all that matters."

Standing up, Jack held out his hand. Sam placed her hand in his and he lifted her out of the chair. Turning, he led her down the hallway to his bedroom. He was finally getting the woman of his dreams, his true love; he wasn't going to waste a second.


End file.
